Catching Hope

Looking for the grace of God that surrounds us

7 Ways to Encourage a Single Friend (well, from my perspective anyway!):

on February 2, 2010

1.  Avoid the cliches–you know, “Someday your prince will come”, that sort of thing.

2.  Invite us over to your house to eat with your family.  We “singles” don’t do as much together as you’d think–and sometimes we’re lonely and want the company of different generations.  Even better–“adopt” a single person and make them part of your family dinners, celebrations, etc.

3.  Provide opportunities for smaller groups of singles to gather at your house–invite 5-8 single people over for games/food…this type of non-pressure, neutral environment is great for encouraging young/single people to get to know each other in a non-threatening environment.

4.  Don’t bring up e-Harmony.  : )

5.  Encourage us in our careers and life pursuits, whatever they may be…there is no guarantee that any of us will be married, and it’s nice to be affirmed in ways that do not communicate that we are “only doing this until we are married”.  This encourages women to understand that they do not “need” a husband to be complete in life (instead they are to pursue biblical womanhood partially through the career or pursuit that God has led them to); and encouraging men to settle down and pursue a career promotes Godly, biblical manhood that is attractive to a woman.

6.  Avoid the “My brother-in-law’s sister’s cousin’s boyfriend’s uncle is single–he lives in Ireland and he’s great.”  Carefully chosen encouragements toward one person or another are ok, but please make sure 1) the relationship is practical and 2) that you know both the man and the woman well and feel that they are spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually compatible.  If you absolutely MUST set up a blind date situation, please don’t be offended if I’m not excited for it…and please provide a non-threatening setting for it, such as a small group of friends (including the “intended” and I) for dinner or games.

7.  Encourage us women to learn and practice biblical womanhood (the same applies to men and biblical manhood).  Mentor us–we want the accountability, and need it!  Encourage us to be involved at church, too–small groups, women’s Bible studies, men’s prayer meetings, etc.  Don’t let us try to figure everything out on our own!

8.  One last one, just because it must be said.  A carefully-timed reminder that, “It is better to be single then to wish you were!”, is often appropriate.  : )


2 responses to “7 Ways to Encourage a Single Friend (well, from my perspective anyway!):

  1. Adam Winters says:

    Ha! This amused me, Kristi! Nicely done.

  2. Gracie says:

    Your eighth point is an excellent (albeit sensitive) one. I’ve been a part of interesting discussions with some women married to unbelievers and envying their single sisters their (at least perceived) ability to radically follow Christ without hindrance (ala 1 Cor. 7); and the single sisters dreaming of what life would be like if they were able to pursue their faith within a strong marriage relationship.
    Thankfully God remains the Sovereign, in control of all things, and uses relationships of an unequal yoke in His sanctifying work – but they can come with their own painful realities.
    You have said well that we should never even consider a “set-up” with people who aren’t on the same page spiritually – so critical.

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